Under Recommendations
by Lady Valmar
Summary: On the Atlantis Internet is a forum setup for fun called Freedom United Pote Bored. Trouble ensues because of it like Rodney and Sheppard getting into a squabble. A sort of companion to Innocent Sue.
1. Freedom United Post Board

Title: Under Recommendations 

Author: Lady Valmar

Genre: Humor/Romance

Rating: T 

Archive: SGAHC, FF

Spoilers: All Seasons are likely fair game

Written: August 15, 2006

Summary: Someone on the Atlantis Internet sets up a posting site for fun. Trouble ensues because of it. Companion to Innocent Ren.

**Warning:** There are some silliness and some wrong happenings. A slight mention of a possible romance between my OC and Sheppard but I don't delve deep into it so have no fear…or feel discourage in the least little bit.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis. I only own this story and any original themes, concepts, ideas or characters in it. So please refrain from infringing or stealing my stuff.**

… **.LV.** …

**Under Recommendations**

By _Lady Valmar_

* * *

_**Pegasus United Mail Service**_ (_brought to you by Dr. Radek Zelenka and Dr. Rodney McKay_) 

**Welcome Gamergirl!**

You have **200** unread emails. You have **36** bulk emails.

Inbox (**200**)

Draft

Sent

Bulk (**36**)

Trash

* * *

**Check Mail? **

**Compose?**

"Check mail please. Ouch darn it! Stupid paperweight!"

**You have 200 unread emails.** "Yes, yes I know that. Ow that really hurt."

_Click_

List of Emails unread:

**Quickhour News**: Quickhour News: August 11—Movies, music and more at the recreation room. Saturday. Don't be late.

**Line and Doranooks**: the shortlist: 50 percent off any Athosian clayware and leather bound book. Hello (again) from Marta.

**Change the way you clean**: Get a free Athosian broom with participation in the Tava bean collection. Only while supplies lasts. none

**Veggiereport**: More than six out of five people on Atlantis eat meat without giving the veggies any thoug…

**FreedomUnited**: Dazzle your friends, impress your co-workers, bug your enemies. This the place to post anything and everything. We welcome everyone.

_Click for more email…_

"Hm Freedom United… Darn it's bleeding. I'm going to have to invest in a medical kit I swear! Okay let's check out this my post board…"

_Click_

* * *

URL: www dot pegasusgalaxy slash atlantisexpedition slash freedomunitedpostboard dot com 

**Welcome to the ****Freedom United Pote Board.**

Please read this document before proceeding to pote. All users who abuse the pote privilege will be in trouble with Wier. We'll sick Ronon on you!

**Fredom Untied Poters Rules: **

Be kid and courtituous too fellow poters.

No slashing of any people oar anythang Less

Disgreemets are fun but no warring

Kleep them hort and to the dot

Have fun, endoy and do't forgot aboot grams ers.

-

Please log in here:

Password:

-

If you have not yet logged in please do so now to pote.

If you do not have an account please click on this link to get one. _Link_

_Supported by Dr. Heightmeyer and all senior staff._

**Advertising Promotion (flashing sign)**: Now you can learn to fly a jumper! All you need is to check with Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Weir. Requirement: ATA Gene.

* * *

_Fill out the directions below to get an account…_

**User Name:** (can be anything as long as it does not exceed 25 letters and must not contain profanity or obscenity)

**Password:** (Anything that contains six letters. It is suggested you use letters, numbers and signs.)

**Name: **(Your real name.)

**Occupation:** (What do you do on Atlantis?)

**Age:** (How old are you?)

**Birthday:** (When were you born?)

**Dating status:** (Married, single, divorced, available, in a relationship?)

**Profile:** (What do you look like from the side view?)

**Description:** (What do you look like?)

**Biography:** (Tell us a little about yourself.)

**Information:** (Anything you might want to add about someone you know)

**Secretary:** (if any)

**Location:** (Where can you usually be found)

**Time:** (What time is it right now?)

**Height:** (How tall are you?)

**Weight:** (How much are you exercising?)

**Attitude:** (Do you cry a lot?)

**Notes:** (Anything you wish to add)

**Sex:** (Male, female, zogoyte, parasite-Gou'ld, Wraith, energy being etc)

**Preference:** (Male, female, Wraith, Vampire, Black haired, blonde, deadly, cute?)

**Relative Style:** (What floats your boat?)

**Quote:** (Can be something original, something you heard or something someone said on Atlantis)

**Avatar:** (Picture of something to represent yourself)

**Personal Picture:** (What do you look like?)

* * *

"Okay I suppose I could do this… Come on bandaide, come on. Please…ouch! Why does it have to stick to the wound!" 

_Click_

**User Name**: Gamergirl

**Password:** "Are you kidding me? You want us to put our passwords out for everyone to see?"

**Name:** Not telling

**Occupation:** Computer Science (software)

**Age**: Wouldn't you like to know

**Birthday**: If I had two cents for everytime someone asked me that

**Dating status**: In your dreams…

**Profile**: A bit petite?

**Description**: Does cute mean anything?

**Biography:** Really do I have the time for something like that?

**Information**: Refer to my secretary as he is still writing up something for biography

**Secretary**: A lovely chap named Bob…the Wraith.

**Location**: Usually being scrutinized by Dr. McKay in the labs

**Time**: Why do you want to know that?

**Height**: Petite

**Weight**: Well if you count up from 1 you'll get the idea

**Attitude**: Mobile and talkative

**Notes**: The pote should really be spelled post and a bunch of other words are misspelled. Please Kitty really, you should use spell check before posting a website on this thing.

**Sex**: Of unknown origin. J/K Female.

**Preference**: Men (Exclude Kavanagh and Gill off that list). Military smart and cool Geeks.

**Quote**: "It's not fair! That was not fair!" – Dr. Rodney McKay

**Relative Style**: What does that mean? Relative style? Why should I even respond to this? I guess Klutz?

**Avatar**: Okay you put this in but there's no where I can put an image Kitty. So I guess I will write up one. Left-handed Monkey Wretch

**Personal Picture**: Again with the…sigh…okay fine. Petite. Brown hair and eyes. Wears glasses. Sports a datapad and a small mallet just for McKay.

* * *

First Post: 

**User:** Gamergirl

**Title of Entry**: Recommending Someone get on this stat

**Music**: The voice of McKay haunting me in my sleep

**Location**: Mess Hall

**Emotion**: Hungry?

I thought since I was on break in the mess hall, I might as well bring some important information to everybody's attention. Please note that this is simply an advice posted per request of someone who wishes to remain anonymous. Please refrain from trying to ball this post into a wad of paper…hehe seeing as this is electronic I highly doubt you can but yeah don't try anyways…

1) Eating a bunch of power bars and coffee does not constitute a healthy meal, despite what Dr. Rodney McKay thinks.

2) Just because he's cute doesn't mean he doesn't have issues. (Lt. Colonel Sheppard)

3) Even a smooth talker like Sheppard has his days where he slips up and doesn't get the date. Don't feel bad, everybody has this problem sometime. (Please seek STA if problem persists. STA – Smooth Talker's Anonymous)

4) Dating your co-worker or ehem…co-workers…(Zelenka you sly guy!): Okay think twice. You work with these people. As great as they are, should problems arise between the two of you will your personal relationship or ehem…relationships (Radek I swear!) become a problem? Just think twice before you do it.

5) Eating dirt, though said people on news that it is healthy, is in no way tasty in my belief. So I leave that one up to your imaginations… (Mutters flabbergasted…why people think eating dirt is such a wonderful thing…)

6) If the cat got out once, it will get out again. (Curtsy of my own cat…who is turning into quite the escape artist)

7) If there be dragons there be smoke. (This is includes you pookey…yeah I saw that fire in your office the other day. What were you doing anyways?)

8) Okay…just because Ronon twirls his gun around doesn't mean you should! Who knows what kind of accidents you could get into. (Saw a lieutenant doing that today. Really people think before you act!)

9) While it is fun to taunt a Wraith behind a cage, I wouldn't recommend taunting one that isn't behind a cage. (That means you Rodney, I heard about taunting Oberoth …no wonder he wanted to choke you! It's okay we all love you Rodney!)

10) Okay as cute as it is to poke Sheppard, remember he pokes back! (This means you.)

11) Slapping someone's butt is either going to land you in the brig or with a punch to the groin.

12) Squealing like a little girl doesn't make you any less of a man. Unless you include Kavanagh in the equation.

13) Teyla smacking someone with sticks isn't the best way to prove a point. Man I heard you knocking around Sheppard the other morning.

14) Road Kill is just another word for you screwed up. Or being smashed by a paperwork stack. (Thanks a lot Dr. Bruett! You almost got me yesterday!)

15) I do not make goo goo eyes at my co-workers! Nor does anyone else Dr. McKay.

16) Dr. Weir doesn't need to know about your restroom problems…period. Or anyone else for that matter…

16) Stay away from all little green pills. I have a sneaking suspicion something is going on with them. I just wish I knew what.

_End of Post_

* * *

Yawning, Sheppard ran his hand through his hair. Today had been a hard day. He'd worked with two teams on hand to hand, had a rough stick lesson with Teyla and he'd had to act as mediator for two Marines in the mess. 

Thankfully though he now had a chance to take a shower, get some food and check his emails. One in particular caught his eye a post board. Not that he really had anything better do at the moment he decided to check it out.

_Fill out the directions below to get an account…_

**User Name**: Flyboy

**Password**: I agree with gamergirl on this

**Name**: Lt. Col. John Sheppard

**Occupation**: Airforce. Head of Military on Atlantis. Leader of first Off-World Team for Atlantis.

**Age**: Older than Gamergirl

**Birthday**: No comment.

**Dating status**: Available

**Profile**: Muscular but Athletic

**Description**: Tall, rakish hair (from what I've been told), Hazel eyes.

**Biography**: Well after filling out so many mission reports I really don't feel like writing but I guess I could say a few words. I spend most of my time…off-world, bugging McKay, training with Teyla, running with Ronon, bugging McKay, eating at the mess hall, playing on video games on people's laptops, bugging McKay.

**Information:** Refer to my secretary as she is still writing up something for this. – I think I'll stick with that one.

**Secretary**: Rodney (He wears these pink outfits when he's doing my paperwork)

**Location**: Puddle Jumper?

**Time**: 0600 hours

**Height**: Tall

**Weight**: Haven't checked recently.

**Attitude**: Relaxed and charming.

**Notes**: Rodney really needs to fill one of these out when he can't play Half Life 2. Hey whatever happened to my save by the way McKay?!

**Sex**: Male

**Preference:** Women (Take Wraith, Asuran, Genii and any other annoying Alien race off the list)

**Quote**: "Not so arrogant now are yah…hm!"– Dr. Rodney McKay (Who then proceeds to be choked by that replicator guy)

**Relative Style**: Annoy Rodney, play on laptop, Annoy Rodney.

**Avatar**: Okay you put this in but there's no where I can put an image. So I guess I will write up one. Left-handed Monkey Wretch. – good one. Bucket of Steam.

**Personal Picture**: Tall. Brown hair and Hazel eyes. Sports a gun and a stick to poke Rodney with.

* * *

Response to Gamergirl's post: 

**User**: Flyboy

**Title of Entry**: Re: Recommending Someone get on this stat

**Music**: Smooth Operator by Sade

**Location**: Room

**Emotion**: Bored

1) Eating a bunch of power bars and coffee does not constitute a healthy meal, despite what Dr. Rodney McKay thinks.

_Rodney you need to start eating better. You are on my team and the last thing I need is for you to…faint while off-world. _

2) Just because he's cute doesn't mean he doesn't have issues. (Lt. Colonel Sheppard)

Hey. Well just because she's a writer doesn't mean she knows what she's talking about! 

3) Even a smooth talker like Sheppard has his days where he slips up and doesn't get the date.

_Smooth Talker? More like charmer. Really have we met somewhere before?_

4) Dating your co-worker or ehem…co-workers…(Zelenka you sly guy!): Okay think twice. You work with these people. As great as they are, should problems arise between the two of you will your personal relationship or ehem…relationships. Just think twice before you do it.

_Thought twice. So who are you gamergirl? I have a sneaking suspicion who it is._

5) Eating dirt, though said people on news that it is healthy, is in no way tasty in my belief. So I leave that one up to your imaginations… (Mutters flabbergasted…why people think eating dirt is such a wonderful thing…)

_Been there done that. I'm pointing at Rodney. He made me do it._

6) If the cat got out once, it will get out again.

"I gave an order to a cat, and the cat gave it to its tail" - Chinese Proverb 

7) If there be dragons there be smoke. (This is includes you pookey…yeah I saw that fire in your office the other day. What were you doing anyways?)

Pookey? So I'm guessing this person is your boyfriend? 

8) Okay…just because Ronon twirls his gun around doesn't mean you should! Who knows what kind of accidents you could get into. (Saw a lieutenant doing that today. Really people think before you act!)

_Which one? I'm trying to discourage the big guy._

9) While it is fun to taunt a Wraith behind a cage, I wouldn't recommend taunting one that isn't behind a cage. (That means you Rodney, I heard about taunting Oberoth …no wonder he wanted to choke you!

_No comment. I think the situation spoke volumes all in itself. I think I know whose post this is now._

10) Okay as cute as it is to poke Sheppard, remember he pokes back! (This means you.)

_That's right. This means everyone. _

11) Slapping someone's butt is either going to land you in the brig or with a punch to the groin.

_Really? Who has been doing this? Might I remind everyone of the sexual harassment meeting we had last week._

12) Squealing like a _Rodney_ doesn't make you any less of a man.

13) Teyla smacking someone with sticks isn't the best way to prove a point.

_Yeah that hurt too. Still have a mark too._

14) Road Kill is just another word for _Rodney._

15) _Goo goo eyes? I'll bet he said that because he was making goo goo eyes. Really mature Rodney._

16) Dr. Weir doesn't need to know about your restroom problems…period. Or anyone else for that matter…

_Wow. That's really funny._

16) Stay away from all little green pills. _Green pills…are those the ones I saw you trying to pass out yesterday Rodney?_

17) Clowns are evil. Period. End of Story.

_End of Post_

* * *

Response to Flyboy's post:

**User**: Gamergirl

**Title of Entry**: Re: Re: Recommending Someone get on this stat

**Music**: Alone Tonight by Above & Beyond

**Location:** The roof of Atlantis's highest tower. J/K.

**Emotion**: Curious

1) Yeah well…neither do you. Military Nark!

2) Yes, we have met but I'm not saying where. Not telling. You'll have to figure it out.

3) Really you think you know who I am.

4) Ewww…you've eaten dirt before? Yuck!

7) Never! Not my boyfriend. Just a friend. Earl's the name.

10) Aww so we can't poke you? makes sad face.

11) No one has been but I just thought it was funny to add.

13) I can only imagine.

16) Yes he's the culprit. Dr. Beckett is on it.

17) Wait a minute clowns? Hate em.

_End of Post_

* * *

_Fill out the directions below to get an account…_

**User Name**: Blueeyedgenius

**Password**: Blank

**Name:** Dr. Rodney McKay

**Occupation**: Astrophysicist

**Age**: Younger than Sheppard.

**Birthday:** It's April 18. Sheppard's is January 5.

**Dating status**: Available (For Samantha Carter.)

**Profile**: Well-fed but muscular.

**Description**: Medium, short hair, vibrant blue eyes.

**Biography**: When I was in sixth grade I once built an atomic bomb for my Science Fair exhibit. I first started off working for a small town teacher at one of the universities I attended and from there I worked my way up in the field. Until I was posted at area 51. I was contacted by the SGC to help on a little problem involving a…

**Information**: Hey that is not fair. I didn't even get a chance to get into my equations and calculations. This is a waste of my time why am I even…

**Secretary**: Sheppard (If he doesn't do it, I'll get Ronon to make him do it.)

**Location**: My lab

**Time**: Relative

**Height**: Medium

**Weight**: Is this really important?

**Attitude**: Professional and a Genius

**Notes**: I deleted it Sheppard. It was getting annoying that you were wasting so many health packs.

**Sex**: Male

**Preference**: Women (Take Cadman, Wraith, Asuran, Genii and any other annoying Alien race off the list) Blonds, smart ones.

**Quote**: "They found a way to soup up their space guns." – Sheppard (One of his more brighter comments. Real mature)

**Relative Style**: Sick Ronon on Sheppard, work on important information vital to our survival, sick Teyla on Sheppard.

**Avatar**: Sheppard's expression when I told him I tried out Luscious' potion on him.

**Personal Picture**: Why am I bothering with this. It's just a repeat of what I said up above. Carries a laptop, chocolate bar and a cup of coffee. Oh and a radio to sick Ronon and Teyla on Sheppard when he bothers me.

* * *

Response to Flyboy & Gamergirl: 

**User**: Blueeyedgenius

**Title of Entry**: RE-Re: Re: Recommending Someone get on this stat

**Music**: The sound of Sheppard's ouches as Teyla smacks him with her sticks.

**Location**: My lab as usual

**Emotion**: Aggravated and annoyed with stupid questions…

Hey why is it everytime I write something it cuts me off. That's a complete misrepresentation! It says biography! Some people have longer ones than others I think it's only fair you take into account all of those things.

1) Eating a bunch of power bars and coffee does not constitute a healthy meal, despite what Dr. Rodney McKay thinks.

**Sheppard's post**: Rodney you need to start eating better. You are on my team and the last thing I need is for you to…faint while off-world.

_I am not a child and I do not need anyone telling me what to eat and drink_.

2) Just because he's cute doesn't mean he doesn't have issues. (Lt. Colonel Sheppard)

Yes, I agree Sheppard has issues. Anyone who spends three hours in the morning on his hair has issues. 

4) Dating your co-worker or ehem…co-workers…(Zelenka you sly guy!): Okay think twice. You work with these people. As great as they are, should problems arise between the two of you will your personal relationship or ehem…relationships (Radek I swear!) become a problem? Just think twice before you do it.

**Sheppard's Post**: Thought twice. So who are you gamergirl? I have a sneaking suspicion who it is.

_Same here._

5) Eating dirt, though said people on news that it is healthy, is in no way tasty in my belief. So I leave that one up to your imaginations… (Mutters flabbergasted…why people think eating dirt is such a wonderful thing…)

**Sheppard's Post**: Been there done that. I'm pointing at Rodney. He made me do it.

_Doesn't surprise me at all. Didn't make him do it either._

7) If there be dragons there be smoke. (This is includes you pookey…yeah I saw that fire in your office the other day. What were you doing anyways?)

**Sheppard's Post: **Pookey? So I'm guessing this person is your boyfriend? 

_Fire what fire? Oh that idiot Earl Bradhurst? He'd going back on the Daedulus first thing tomorrow._

8) Okay…just because Ronon twirls his gun around doesn't mean you should! Who knows what kind of accidents you could get into. (Saw a lieutenant doing that today. Really people think before you act!)

_Yes please don't twirl you guns around. I hate it when Ronon does that. I wish people were smarter about this sort of thing. I'm tired of the glares I have to give every time some idiot decides to make a fool of himself and put all of us in danger._

12) Squealing like a _Rodney_ doesn't make you any less of a man.

_I do not squeal like a little girl. Get your facts straight Sheppard._

13) Teyla smacking someone with sticks isn't the best way to prove a point.

**Sheppard's post**: Yeah that hurt too. Still have a mark too.

**Gamergirl's post**: I can only imagine.

_I don't want to know._

14) Road Kill is just another word for _Rodney._

_Road Kill is just another word for stupid. Seriously where do people come up with these assine comments to things that are a waste of my time and other people's time?_

15) **Sheppard's Post**: Goo goo eyes? I'll bet he said that because he was making goo goo eyes. Really mature Rodney.

_I think I'll show my maturity level and not respond to the goo goo eyes comment both of you are claiming I said._

16) Stay away from all little green pills.

**Sheppard's Post**: _Green pills…are those the ones I saw you trying to pass out yesterday Rodney?_

_I have nothing to do with the green pills and pointing your fingers at me will do no good._

_End of Post_

* * *

**A/N**: A diversion/companion fic to Innocent Ren (formerly Innocent Sue) fic. 


	2. Green Pills

… **.LV.** …

**Green Pills**

**Part 2**

By _Lady Valmar_

* * *

_**Pegasus United Mail Service**_ (_brought to you by Dr. Radek Zelenka and Dr. Rodney McKay_)

**Welcome ancientny!**

You have **4000** unread emails. You have **1** bulk emails.

Inbox (**4000**) "Why do I even bother…"

Draft

Sent

Bulk (1)

Trash

* * *

_ Click_

List of Emails unread:

**Quickhour News**: Quickhour News: August 17—Movies, music and more at the recreation room. See McKay dance and Beckett stand on his hands! Sunday evening. Don't be late.

**Line and Doranooks**: the longlist: 45 percent off Athosian battle gear and candle works. Ring Ceremony from Chelsa...

**Battle Stud Gala:** Introducing the first film on Atlantis. Curtsy of Sargaent Trent Raomos. See him get swallowed by a mud creature and And now you Dr. Weir can have the privilege of a personal slave…see details inside. "Interesting..."

**Veggiereport**: Out of every 20 people 1 is effected by the caffeine bug. It's time to start eating right. See the nutritionist Dr. Blair, on his new blog page for more.

**Kavanagh**: I wanted to complain about the usage of spice in the mess hall. It is beginning to become a habit and I frankly cannot stand… 

**Kavanagh**: Dr. McKay needs to be reprimanded for his behavior towards me earlier today. He is very unprofessional from my standpoint…

**Rodney McKay**: Elizabeth, I need you to look over some Ancient information I'm sending you in this email. I was going to…

**Rodney McKay**: Please disregard earlier email. I already got the translations from you earlier. Forgot!

**Rodney McKay**: Kavanagh is going to send you a list of complaints I suggest you delete the email…

**Kavanagh**: I wanted to report a marine earlier assaulted me. He tried to punch my arm when I said something he thought was funn…

**FreedomUnited**: Dazzle your friends, impress your co-workers, bug your enemies. This the place to post anything and everything. We welcome everyone.

_Click for more email… _

_Click_

* * *

URL: www dot pegasusgalaxy slash atlantisexpedition slash freedomunitedpostboard dot com

**Welcome to the ****Freedom United Pote Board.**

Please read this document before proceeding to pote. All users who abuse the pote privilege will be in trouble with Wier. We'll sick Ronon on you!

"Ehem…someone spelled my name wrong…no they spelled almost all of this wrong. I'm going to have to notify the maintainer of this…Yes Max? No, I'm fine. Just checking my email. Yes, a cup of coffee would be wonderful."

**Fredom Untied Poters Rules: **

Be kid and courtituous too fellow poters.

No slashing of any people oar anythang Less

Disgreemets are fun but no warring

Kleep them hort and to the dot

Have fun, endoy and do't forgot aboot grams ers.

-

Please log in here:

Password:

-

If you have not yet logged in please do so now to pote.

If you do not have an account please click on this link to get one. _Link_

_Supported by Dr. Heightmayor and all seniorita staff. _"Seniorita?"

**Advertising Promotion (ZPM incorporated flashing sign)**: Now you can learn to talk and be obnoxious at the same time. See Dr. McKay's secondary assistant for more details. "Funny."

* * *

_Fill out the directions below to get an account…_

User Name: (Not to exceed 25 letters and better not contain profanity or obscenity. That means you!)

Password: (Anything that contains six letters. It is suggested you use letters, numbers and signs.)

Name: (Your real name. I'm not joking here people!)

Occupation: (What are you doing on Atlantis anyway?)

Age: (How old are you? No, kidding.)

Birthday: (When were you born?)

Dating statues: (Married, single, divorced, available, in a relationship, ascended?)

Profile: (What do you look like from the side view?) "Why would anyone care…?"

Description: (What do you look like?)

Biography: (Tell us a concise descriptive about you history.)

Information: (Anything you might want to add about someone you know. Complaints etc.)

Secretary: (If any. That could include slaves or switches.) "Switches? What is that?"

Location: (Where can you usually be found)

Time: (What time is it right now?)

Height: (How tall are you?)

Weight: (How much are you exercising?)

Attitude: (Do you cry a lot or do you have a stick up the…?)

Notes: (Anything you wish to add. No complaints about staff here.)

Sex: (Male, female, zogoyte, parasite-Gou'ld, Wraith, energy being etc)

Preference: (Male, female, Wraith, Android, blue jello, tentacles, Black haired, blonde, deadly, cute?)

–_Dr. –Elizabeth's eyebrow raises-_

Relative Style: (What floats your boat?)

Quote: (Can be something original, something you heard or something someone said on Atlantis)

Avatar: (Picture of something to represent yourself)

Personal Picture: (Put your actual picture here?)

* * *

"Hm…I suppose I could put those reports on hold for awhile."

_Click_

**User Name**: Ancientny

**Password:** Ask my slave "I can't believe I put that."

**Name:** Dr. Elizabeth Weir

**Occupation:** Leader. The boss. "Dr. Weir?"

"Huh?"

"Here's your coffee Ma'am."

"Thank you Max."

**Age**: How old do you think I am?

**Birthday**: Ask Sheppard. He knows.

**Dating status**: Not looking right now.

**Profile**: Ask yourself why do you care?

**Description**: Brunette hair, I've grown it out. Tends to get curly more when it's shorter. Brown eyes.

**Biography:** I originally use to negotiate peace treaties for the UN but after President Hayes was elected he put me in charge of Stargate Command. After General Oneill took over my position I left to head the Ancient outpost. From there the rest is posted on my personal blog.

**Information**: I will neither degrade nor comment on personnel however, I would like it if all teams could please finish their off-world reports on time please.

**Secretary**: Max

**Location**: My office

**Time**: 6:24

**Height**: Tall

**Weight**: 189

**Attitude**: Diplomatic?

**Notes**: Please knock before entering my office. Making catcalls and farting sounds does not count.

**Sex**: Female

**Preference**: I think I will leave this one up to your imagination.

**Quote**: "Live long and prosper." - Spock

**Relative Style**: Coffee and some nice Jazz music…and no reports for once.

**Avatar**: Tiki mask

**Personal Picture**: If you're on Atlantis you already know what I look like.

* * *

-Response to Gamergirl-

**User:** Ancientny

**Title of Entry**: Re: Recommending Someone get on this stat

**Music**: Porcelain by Moby

**Location**: My office

**Emotion**: Relaxed

1) Eating a bunch of power bars and coffee does not constitute a healthy meal, despite what Dr. Rodney McKay thinks.

_I'm going to have to agree with the Colonel on this one. Rodney I expect you to eat better and I don't want to have to send Carson to enforce it._

2) Just because he's cute doesn't mean he doesn't have issues. (Lt. Colonel Sheppard)

_I think that's a little rude to say something of that nature. We all have issues. I think that's a given._

3) Even a smooth talker like Sheppard has his days where he slips up and doesn't get the date. Don't feel bad, everybody has this problem sometime. (Please seek STA if problem persists. STA – Smooth Talker's Anonymous)

_STA? I'm assuming that was a joke. _

4) Dating your co-worker or ehem…co-workers…(Zelenka you sly guy!): Okay think twice. You work with these people. As great as they are, should problems arise between the two of you will your personal relationship or ehem…relationships (Radek I swear!) become a problem? Just think twice before you do it.

_I agree. I make it my own personal rule not to date people I work with. _

5) Eating dirt, though said people on news that it is healthy, is in no way tasty in my belief. So I leave that one up to your imaginations… (Mutters flabbergasted…why people think eating dirt is such a wonderful thing…)

_Dirt?_

6) If the cat got out once, it will get out again.

"Pour oil into water and oil will float." - Mom 

7) If there be dragons there be smoke. (This is includes you pookey…yeah I saw that fire in your office the other day. What were you doing anyways?)

_Yes I heard about that. Dr. Bradhurst. The matter is being looked into. As for right now I advise everyone to be aware of safety procedures and no he is not being shipped off to Earth at this time Rodney._

8) Okay…just because Ronon twirls his gun around doesn't mean you should! Who knows what kind of accidents you could get into. (Saw a lieutenant doing that today. Really people think before you act!)

_I am working in conjunction with Colonel Sheppard to crack down on this. _

9) While it is fun to taunt a Wraith behind a cage, I wouldn't recommend taunting one that isn't behind a cage. (That means you Rodney, I heard about taunting Oberoth …no wonder he wanted to choke you! It's okay we all love you Rodney!)

_Yes, I'm going to have a conversation with Dr. McKay about that incident.  
_

10) Okay as cute as it is to poke Sheppard, remember he pokes back! (This means you Rodney!)

_I think I'll leave that one alone._

11) Slapping someone's butt is either going to land you in the brig or with a punch to the groin. I would prefer both.

_Might I remind everyone that sexual harassment or harassment of any kind is taken seriously on Atlantis._

12) Squealing like a little girl doesn't make you any less of a man. Unless you include Kavanagh in the equation.

_Squealing like a little boy doesn't make you any less of a woman._

14) Road Kill is just another word for you screwed up. Or being smashed by a paperwork stack. (Thanks a lot Dr. Bruett! You almost got me yesterday!)

_Road Kill is just another word for you need to pay attention to protocol. (That means you John.)_

15) I do not make goo goo eyes at my co-workers! Nor does anyone else Rodney!

_That's the first time I've heard someone say that. _

16) Dr. Weir doesn't need to know about your restroom problems…period. Or anyone else for that matter…

_Thank you. Though manners are a voluntary consideration, I would like it if any conversations of this nature in the future were discussed somewhere else besides in my office. _

16) Stay away from all little green pills. I have a sneaking suspicion something is going on with them. I just wish I knew what.

_Green pills? I think you might be referring to the Athosian candy. I have yet to try the pickled tart I heard Halling mention._

_End of Post_

* * *

-Response to Gamergirl-

**User**: blueyedgenius

**Title of Entry**: Re: In reference to the Green Pills

**Music**: The sound of Sheppard getting strangled

**Location**: Room

**Emotion**: Annoyed

_First off, Elizabeth is right. They are the Athosian candy equivalent of jellybeans and secondly I do not have any connection to their distribution. _

_End of Post_

* * *

-Response to blueeydgenius-

**User:** Gamergirl

**Title of Entry:** RE: Re: In reference to the Green Pills

**Music:** The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang

**Location:** Bed

**Emotion:** Drunk? I think

You're such a hoot. Liar…

Kkd kdi nnnnnnnnnnnnnn ddfoijkf

Ijkmcksdhkvnk

_End of Post_

* * *

-Response to blueeydgenius-

**User:** Gamergirl

**Title of Entry:** RE: Re: In reference to the Green Pills part 2

**Music:** The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang

**Location:** Bed

**Emotion:** Drunk?

Did you know that squirrels dfdslike nuts? You so remind me of a squirrel. dvdsv

Difdjsk

kl

_End of Post_

* * *

**From: **admin at admin at Subject: Excuse me?****

I thought I would do the decent thing and not email you on that forum. I have nothing to do with the said green pills and I do not appreciate your attitude. If you continue to harass me I will notify the web administrator and have your account removed from the posting board. If you continue after that, I will remove your allowed access code to the Atlantis' internet system. As for your 'drunk' postings…I'm just going to pretend I didn't receive them and the admin will be removing them soon.

-Doctor Rodney McKay

* * *

-Response to blueeyedgenius & Gamergirl-

**User**: flyboy

**Title of Entry**: Re: Re: In reference to the Green Pills

**Music**: I Still Miss Someone by Johnny Cash

**Location:** Room

**Emotion**: Amused

Military Nark? Met where? But yes I know who you are.

Actually it was by accident. Rodney shoved me down into the dirt on one mission and I took a mouth full of dirt. So not your boyfriend…interesting.

Lt. Markson has been warned about encouraging gun twirling. Dr. Weir and me are still seeking out any more reports of this gun twirling. If anybody happens to see this from anyone on base please report it immediately. Ronon does not count.

I would prefer not to be poked but it depends…would you be doing the poking? And where might this poking occur?

Yes, I find clowns extremely frightening. When I was little I couldn't have clowns at my birthday party because they scared me too much.

Athosian candy Rodney? I saw the comparison. Don't think I don't know what you're up to. We are all keeping our eyes on your distribution network.

Poor Gamergirl. Rodney stop being an ass.

And Elizabeth Ancientny? You used my word. Cute.

_End of Post_

* * *

**From**: admin at darksheppard dot com

**To**: admin at gamergirlz dot com

**Subject**: Heard a rumor

I saw those two drunk postings before the admin took them off. By the way you looked pale when I saw you today. When did this happen? I know it's you Ruth. Don't worry your secret is safe with me.

-flyboy

* * *

_Fill out the directions below to get an account…_

**User Name**: Scotland

**Password**: See infirmary for details.

**Name:** Dr. Carson Beckett

**Occupation**: Chief Medical Doctor on Atlantis.

**Age**: 38

**Birthday:** January 2, 1969

**Dating status**: Taken

**Profile**: This doesn't make any sense to me.

**Description**: Scottish. 5' 10", Short hair, blue eyes.

**Biography**: Please see my personal medical blog for this information.

**Information**: All personnel are to report any time they see Rodney downing more than 3 cups of coffee in a day, without a threat such as the Wraith coming to Atlantis.

**Secretary**: Anne (Usually when I am swamped by paperwork)

**Location**: Infirmary.

**Time**: 10:58 am

**Height**: Medium

**Weight**: 167

**Attitude**: Medical

**Notes: **I would like to remind all of you to get a good 8 hours of sleep. If you need more then do so.

**Sex**: Male

**Preference**: Women

**Quote**: "…pretty girl and a caveman." - Rodney

**Relative Style**: Wields large needles and carries a stethoscope

**Avatar**: Double Helix DNA

**Personal Picture**: none

* * *

-Response to Gamergirl-

**User**: Scotland

**Title of Entry**: Re: Recommending Someone get on this stat

**Music**: Pink Panther by Donny and the Royales

**Location**: Personal office

**Emotion**: Focused

1) Eating a bunch of power bars and coffee does not constitute a healthy meal, despite what Dr. Rodney McKay thinks.

_I quite agree with you. I highly recommend the next time you see him doing this and you suspect he hasn't eaten real food, radio me right away._

2) Just because he's cute doesn't mean he doesn't have issues. (Lt. Colonel Sheppard)

_I won't agree but I can't disagree either. _

3) Even a smooth talker like Sheppard has his days where he slips up and doesn't get the date. Don't feel bad, everybody has this problem sometime. (Please seek STA if problem persists. STA – Smooth Talker's Anonymous)

_I think everybody has a moment or two they wish they could forget. Maybe more in my case…_

4) Dating your co-worker or ehem…co-workers…(Zelenka you sly guy!): Okay think twice. You work with these people. As great as they are, should problems arise between the two of you will your personal relationship or ehem…relationships (Radek I swear!) become a problem? Just think twice before you do it.

_I would agree but seeing as she is not exactly my co-worker…_

5) Eating dirt, though said people on news that it is healthy, is in no way tasty in my belief. So I leave that one up to your imaginations… (Mutters flabbergasted…why people think eating dirt is such a wonderful thing…)

_I haven't heard that one before. I suppose I could do a little research into that but I would recommend not eating the dirt here. It might not be too safe considering we are in another galaxy. _

6) If the cat got out once, it will get out again.

_Those that board with cats may count on scratches._

7) If there be dragons there be smoke. (This is includes you pookey…yeah I saw that fire in your office the other day. What were you doing anyways?)

_It is said that all Scots have a sense of humor - because it is a free gift! And __I heard about that. Thankfully no one was injured from it. Though I did see a quite disgruntled scientist exit from that office. _

8) Okay…just because Ronon twirls his gun around doesn't mean you should! Who knows what kind of accidents you could get into. (Saw a lieutenant doing that today. Really people think before you act!)

_I certainly hope that Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Weir are looking into this. I would hate to have to treat a bullet wound from someone who was being recklessly. Not to mention I would hate even more to be the barer of bad news, should someone die from this. _

11) Slapping someone's butt is either going to land you in the brig or with a punch to the groin. I would prefer both.

_I wouldn't do this to Teyla if I were any of the men on Atlantis. Her punch would put you in my infirmary and that's the last thing I need. _

12) Squealing like a little girl doesn't make you any less of a man.

_Squealing like a little wraith doesn't make you any less of a human. _

13) Teyla smacking someone with sticks isn't the best way to prove a point. Man I heard you knocking around Sheppard the s'morning.

_Yes, she is deadly with those sticks. I still say it's one of her super powers._

14) Road Kill is just another word for you screwed up. Or being smashed by a paperwork stack. (Thanks a lot Dr. Bruett! You almost got me yesterday!)

_Road Kill is just another word for haven't you been eating your veggies?_

15) I do not make goo goo eyes at my co-workers! Nor does anyone else Rodney!

_I thought the term was eye flirting._

16) Dr. Weir doesn't need to know about your restroom problems…period. Or anyone else for that matter…

_If someone is having difficult with this area, you know where my office is. I am more than willing to help out in any medically related problems. _

16) Stay away from all little green pills. I have a sneaking suspicion something is going on with them. I just wish I knew what.

_I am still investigating these said green pills. I actually thought they were the same Athosian candies handed out after the tava bean harvest. Apparently, they are not the same thing. I am still tracking down the suspects responsible for distributing them. _

_End of Post_

* * *

**A/N:** I tried to make things a little easier to follow. I hope its clear-er now.


	3. Rewritten

… **.LV.** …

**Rewritten **

**'Part 3'**

By_ Lady Valmar _

* * *

_**Pegasus United Mail Service**_ (_brought to you by Dr. Radek Zelenka and Dr. Rodney McKay_)

**Welcome kittyroar!**

You have **4** unread emails. You have **0 **bulk emails.

Inbox (**4**) "Seriously? I only have two new emails? How is that possible?"

Draft

Sent

Bulk (**0**)

Trash

* * *

_Click_

List of Emails unread:

**FreedomUnited**: Dazzle your friends, impress your co-workers, bug your enemies. This is the place to post anything and everything. We welcome everyone.

**Rodney McKay**: I wanted to alert you the user Gamergirl. I believe you got my earlier email about those two drunk posts. I think you should monitor her posts more closely...

**Elizabeth Weir**: I suggest you edit this forum, as there is a pile of spelling errors.

**Gamergirl:** I think I might have made a mistake…

"That's right those drunk posts...I knew something bad would result from it besides Dr. McKay whining down my back to remove the posts."

_Click_

* * *

**From**: admin at gamergirlz dot com

**To**: admin at adminstratorkitty dot com

**Subject**: I think I might have made a mistake…

I posted a weird message to my boss yesterday on the forum and he wrote back a nasty email about taking me off your forum and if I persist taking me off the Internet system altogether. I gather you removed those drunk posts. Well…I learned my lesson. I hope you aren't mad at me for it.

-Ruth

* * *

**From**: admin at adminstratorkitty dot com

**To:** admin at gamergirlz dot com

**Subject**: Mistake

I wouldn't pay him any heed. Remember this - Dr. McKay takes things sometimes too personally in my opinion. Besides this is the guy that keeps hogging your computer for Half-Life 2. I think you should just tell him if he wants to use it, he has to give up some chocolate.

Oh yeah…are you feeling better? I didn't think one glass of Champagne would practically blitz you. Jeez…and your Irish? It just doesn't make any sense to me. I thought the Irish were noted for being able to drink until they drop and still keep going kind of thing. Oh well.

-Kitty

* * *

URL: www dot pegasusgalaxy slash atlantisexpedition slash freedomunitedpostboard dot com

**Welcome to the ****Freedom United Pot Bord.**

Please read this document before proceeding to pot. All users who abuse the pot privilege will be in trouble with Weir. We'll sick Ronon on you!

_Giggle_ "That should do it."

**Freddyom Untied Pot Rules: **

Be kin and courtoruous to mellow pots.

No slashing of any people without permission

Agreements are boresome but no flan

Beep them not and to the hot

Have Gun, entoy and do forget boots grams cracers.

-

Please log in here:

Password:

-

If you have not yet logged in please do so now to pot.

If you do not have an account please click on this link to get one. _Link_

_Supported by Dr. Heightmayo and all chosen staff. _

**Advertising Promotion (Dancing Wraith sign)**: Tired of all those pesky Wraith feeding off your sheep dreams…try 'zap it' with Marlen. Eventually you will learn the trick of making the sheep feed off the…

* * *

_Fill out the directions below to get an account…_

User Name: (25 letters maximum and nothing with the words cute in it. Also better not contain profanity or obscenity.)

Password: (Anything that contains six letters. It is suggested you use letters, numbers and signs.)

"I love that one"

Name: (Your real name. The one you were given at birth. By your mom.) _Giggle_

Occupation: (What is your purpose on Atlantis?)

Age: (How old are you? X's don't count.)

Birthday: (When were you born?)

Dating statues: (Married, single, divorced, available, in a relationship, ascended, rotting?) _Giggle_

Profile: (What do you look like from the side view?)

Description: (What do you look like? Ex: Chest hair? Sensual lips? Really large...) "Mmm how large is...?"

Biography: (Tell us a concise descriptive about yourself.)

Information: (Any complaints you have about someone who is annoying you.)

Secretary: (If any. That could also include slaves, switches etc.) "Wish Lorne was my slave..."

Location: (Where can you usually be found? Ex: Lying on an Infirmary bed?)

Time: (What time is it right now?)

Height: (How high can you go?)

Weight: (How much are you not exercising?)

Attitude: (Do you cry a lot or snore?)

Notes: (Anything you wish to add. No complaints about staff here.)

Sex: (Male, female, zogoyte, parasite-Gou'ld, Wraith, energy being, no choice etc)

Preference: (Male, female, Wraith, Android, blue Jell-O, tentacles, Chest hair or Scottish accent? Deadly, cute or geeky?)

Relative Style: (What floats your Moat?)

Quote: (Can be something original, something you heard or something someone said on Atlantis)

Avatar: (Picture of something to represent yourself)

Personal Picture: (Put your actual picture here.)

* * *

_Fill out the directions below to get an account…_

"Oh yeah I haven't filled this out yet…I guess I could."

**User Name**: kittyroar

**Password**: hairball

**Name**: Kitty Ong Chan

**Occupation**: Computer Encoder-Technician

**Age**: 21 (Just kidding)

**Birthday**: August 40, 2010

**Dating Status**: Stalking

**Profile**: A little plump unfortunately.

**Description**: Like I said. I haven't had much time to work out. Long straight brown hair with bangs. Black eyes.

**Biography**: I attended PCC where I got my AA in Business. I then transferred to UC San Diego where I got my BA in Computer Science. I then went on to a specialty school called Pembar Northwest to take classes on what eventually turned into my career. I was then given a job on Atlantis.

**Information**: Dr. McKay needs to get his head on straight.

**Secretary**: None. Slave…Lorne.

**Location**: Computer labs under Dr. McKay's wing.

**Time**: 12:38

**Height**: 5'8"

**Weight**: I dread to answer this.

**Notes**: Gamergirl is a moderator for Freedom United forum.

**Sex**: Female

**Preference**: (Sheppard, Lorne, Ronon, Chuck, military men or rather men in uniform…etc)

**Relative Style**: Up front and to the point.

**Quote**: "Better an early start today, then a late night owl." - ?

**Avatar**: Panda bear

**Personal Picture**: See blog for more details.

* * *

**From:** admin at adminstratorkitty dot com

**To:** admin at blueeyedgenius dot com

**Subject:** Gamergirl

First off, she is a moderator for the forum. Secondly, she won't bother you any more so stop complaining. Lastly, I hold you personally responsible for those green pills. Oh and the next time you whine like that to me I will take you off MY Forum got it?

-kittyroar

* * *

**From:** admin at blueeyedgenius dot com

**To:** admin at administratorkitty dot com

**Subject:** Re: Gamergirl

I'm not complaining. I just making a legitimate point and I refuse to comment on those pills. Fine, I might just leave your stupid, pathetic waste of my time forum.

-Doctor Rodney McKay (Astrophysicist)

Oh yeah…I can take both of you off the Internet system for good.

* * *

**From**: admin at darksheppard dot com

**To**: admin at gamergirlz dot com

**Subject**: Ruth?

Why won't you speak to me?

-flyboy

* * *

**From**: admin at gamergirlz dot com 

**To**: admin at darksheppard dot com

**Subject**: Re: Why

Because…

-Gamergirl

* * *

**From**: admin at darksheppard dot com

**To**: admin at gamergirlz dot com

**Subject**: Because?

That's okay. If you don't want to that's fine.

-Sheppard

But…can I still use your laptop?

* * *

**From**: admin at gamergirlz dot com

**To**: admin at darksheppard dot com

**Subject**: None

You're such a flirt. I'll think about it. Can you get Rodney off my back so I can spend some time with my friend?

-Gamergirl

* * *

**From**: admin at darksheppard dot com

**To**: admin at gamergirlz dot com

**Subject**: I know I am.

How about I schedule his flying lesson for today instead of tomorrow? Give you enough time with your friend? Now can I have the laptop?

-Sheppard

* * *

**From**: admin at gamergirlz dot com

**To**: admin at darksheppard dot com

**Subject**: Thanks

Yes that would rock. Thanks again. I should make you do something like beg for it but that would be too mean. Sure you can use the laptop.

-Ruth

Sorry about Rodney deleting your save. He's being such a jerk about it.

* * *

**From**: admin at darksheppard dot com

**To**: admin at gamergirlz dot com

**Subject**: No problem

You're welcome. You know maybe you should take a flying lesson one of these days.

-Sheppard

* * *


End file.
